Awake..you've slept too long..(Pt. Five)

(Disclaimer: I understand a lot of people I care about will and have been reading this..and I want to warn you now because some of you are really getting upset without the understanding of the story and why it is being told... the next parts will be even more harsh and if you will not be able to handle it..then I suggest you stop at this disclaimer. This is my story something I feel I need to tell and release..holding it in for me causes me more pain then I want to keep enduring, this is not about YOU its about ME..and if you cannot understand that then Don't READ... Thank you)

The events that are to follow for the rest of this story I believe is what still got me in stuck mode. The things this man had done to me was quite unheard of for a woman my age to go thru.. I mean this is some high school bullshit, not a situation a woman that is going into her 40's should be even approached with. Anyway I once again started to watch his page but not like before it was kinda of different..my feelings on it was turning and it became a mission for me. As time went on she did not come on that often but when she did it was like she knew something and she was trying to get something started because you go on her page and he has not commented it or even sent a reply back..he never commented on any of her blogs..NOTHING but would speak to every one else on his friendslist..he kinda of treated her like he was treating me on the net.. (BINGO first clue)..the only thing with me is I kinda of demanded his presence on my blogs because writing is everything to me and I wanted my MAN's input more then anyone else on that site. I did not care if no one else said a word to me..BUT my man you need to be front and center showing support for your woman if nothing else. As time went on I watched this woman but did not react..one day when she came on and called him Daddy..I replied back to it like why is this woman calling you Daddy.. that shit is disrespectful to e in my face especially since I noticed he had the nerve to not remove it..he kept ignoring me which sent me into a further rage. Of course I called him and we started fighting and he went into I told myself I would not fight with you about this Internet shit again..I was like FUCK YOU then if these women mean this much to you that you would risk me then FUCK YOU...I was so hurt he was treating me this why and in my face...BASTARD...he talked so much about how people did this to him and that to him hurting him and he was hurting people himself...No situation entitles you to bleed a unknowing and unwilling soul..NOTHING... anyway I calmed down and started missing him again DAMN..I apologized for blowing up but told him you need to understand this..he went into I don't think I am right for you... ( I should of took him up on that). I went into my Obama speech to get him to try again. So we went on this merry go round for a while me knowing he was not happy but me still wanting him so bad I did not let it click in...I still did not want to lose him (Now why..I still do not know). Things seemed OK especially around the time to pay that laptop bill or his cell..we went out to places and of course I footed the bills on all of it because if I waited on him we would never do anything. I did noticed that when it came to go out with his family he always came up with money for those events.. (so he said). I started questioning him about the fact he could not buy me even a Damn card..he was like I would if I could any little money I get is for the kids...and of course I am not a heartless person my kids come first also so I let that excuse ride. But the spending time which each other now THAT had to change it was a little over a year and I needed some different shit to start happening with us and for him to stop acting like we are in dating stages with benefits..everything I was doing on my end was leading up to longevity with him..a FUTURE..But as the tables would turn he was not even in the same book as I. He still talked about moving to Ohio when school let out for the semester..my on the other end hoping something would change with his situation so he did not have to make that move and he soon wanted the same thing so I started helping him with the job hunting process..updating his resume posting it on different work site..emailing him any jobs I felt met his qualifications even putting the word out on the streets for anyone hiring among my friends.. I was a really good woman to this man in ever since of the word. My favorite singer of all time was coming to town and I never..I say NEVER miss out on seeing her when she is here... I wanted to go so bad I purchased two tickets for us to go and he was excited about it also...the first concert date he could not go with me so we settled on the second one. I was so excited the days leading up to the concert this showed me real promise with us also...a chance to really be a real couple in public more then we had been..I wanted to be a part of his world and he mine so bad I could taste it. The day before the concert we talked about going to get him a new outfit because I had just got me one..always do when going to see my girl. Anyway we went shopping for his outfit and could not find the right shoes though but we got something together so he would be right on point for our girl. The night of the concert was a beautiful one I picked him up so we could get dress together at my house..I was so excited and refuse to let any issue we were having be a part of that night..this was our night and I was taking full advantage of the moment. I loved him so much..we had so much fun that night...whatever problem we had was washed away after that night..Jill Scott has a way of clearing people's head and making everything feel real good. The company..conversation and moment was NICE..I will never forget it Never...As the days that followed the concert things were going pretty good for us it was almost like we were getting closer he started expressing the fact of him wanting to really find a job here in town. But all of a sudden the comments started again on his page and this time I did not trip..I mean what was the point of it and I told him about it but was not all flipped out about it and he was like sending me back to back texts expressing how shocked he was that I was finally not letting that bullshit get to me...Yeah I told him sometimes you just got to see things for what it really was...(But I knew better then that)..especially after I received a weird ass IM from a unknown person telling me that your man is unworthy and get this they used my real name also..I was like WTF..so I decided to do some investigating on my part..I first informed him of this and he replied back with it must be someone that knows you..No one on the net knows my real name but close people like you and my sisters. So I created this fake page just for that purpose of pulling some shit out of people because I felt someone was trying to tell me something. So I created this page and I sent a message to who first Miss P herself with her Spank me Daddy comments..I pointed out things like he is a gentlemen pimp and he is not single and do you notice how he do not comment or flirt with you openly on your page..that type of stuff to rough her feathers...and guess what I did..it just so happen this woman loves to blast people and things on her page because I had been watching her page for months and notice how she has this I do not give a Fuck attitude..I knew if something was happening she would spill with no problem..so I picked at it like a sore on your feet..LOL I went for her because I would ask about her a lot due to her comments and his thing was she is BI and I do not do BI women...(Can we say BULLSHIT)..anyway she posted a blog just like I knew she would about how someone name Ms. J was sending her message about someone she was talking to and in this blog she kinda of pointed out somethings like if he was your boyfriend he wasn't last night..(Damn thats a song) and she also pointed out like in references to him I know and always knew you are full of shit and its about to hit the fan now..I was cracking up after I read her shit..she had a way with words..kind of like me...She also pointed out if the messages continued she would start calling people out..LMAO..I was like now we talking so me being that true Scorpio Ass I kept sending them...I need some shit to spill and she was going to do the pouring for me. In a sick way this was kind of exciting to me..the whole Private Eye thing I had going on..I love getting results to hidden BULLSHIT I do. But down on the home front away from the page we were still doing our same once a week seeing and having sex kind of BS..anyway back to the page this last message I sent her I called out names using my name to throw her off further fro it being me sending them..I was talking cash money shit in that message...now some shit must of happen to the both of them on top of my sneaky message shit because she let loose in this next blog on the real... she came out and talked about how she always knew he was full of shit about flirting with her in the open and if you love someone like he claimed he did he would shout that shit with no fear. Now I am reading this shit and getting heated as hell...so I commented on it could not help myself..I said So he told you he loved you..and at that point the shit was out and she replied back with Yes and more we need to do tea because I got more and with that being said..FUCK private messages and IM messages...call me..I gave her my number and another Demon drop door open to Hell. She called me and ask me do I remember that weekend back in June when he went out of town..I was like Yeah he told me he was going to Ohio to see his brother..Do you stay in Ohio..she was like HELL Naw and he came to see me the whole weekend we were in the hotel fucking..I almost fell out my chair..I was at work and could not scream like I wanted to..she was like check his phone bill girl we have been chatting for months and he came to see me and he ate my pussy the whole damn weekend...I was in a surreal at this point this was not happening, if anything I just thought it was some intense Internet chatting bullshit like the other women I had found out about. She went to telling me how he wanted her to have his Baby and he wanted to move down there where she lived and they had a plan mapped out for some time in Nov. I wanted to throw up so bad...I refuse to believe what she was saying but had to keep listening..I told her I paid for the rental for him to go to his brother's thing...she was like that is a Damn shame...she always knew about me but he told her I was helping him with some financial shit and he was just trying to keep the friendship going or some shit like that. She told me about how he came to her about the blogs she was writing saying I think your trying to mess my money up and this was not just talk she forwarded me all of the text messages and she emailed me all of the IM she had from him. In it him talking about how he sucked her clit for a whole hour and how he sucked her toes and how he missed her and loved her but the thing that got me in the bathroom with a cold rag on my face was the pictures she forward to me of him at his brother's wedding and of his kids and his mother..Now I have never seen his mother not even a pic and it was over a year we were seeing each other and after a couple of months of just chatting he send a pic to this woman..I was out done and then she forward me pics of his dick that he sent to her..I did not know who this person was she was talking about it was like I was fucking and helping a monster all of this time..at that point I did throw up and got very dizzy when I saw those pics..I could not believe this shit was happening she totally dogged his ass out on how broke he was and everything from the half on the pizza to his penis to him flushing the hotel receipt down the toilet to his only ability was eating pussy..I was out done, she even told me they had been having phone sex for months and he was addicted to the shit and one time he tracked her ass down begging her to get him off..WTF was that I did not know this man she was talking about at all ( And to think I wanted to do this with him and he never would admit even masturbating to me..all the freak he was looking for was in me already and more). I called him and went off and he got all nervous and said WTH let me call you back I knew he was calling her because I was on the other line with her and she told me he was calling but she did not answer the phone. This lying ass motherfucker calls me back and admits he did sleep with her and he really did go to Ohio and a lot of what she said was made up and that he rode there for a couple of hours only. Then he went into saying I told you I needed sometime away to get myself together..WTF is that you BASTARD..get the fuck away but not at my expense do you realize what the hell you have done..I have been helping you cheat on me with chatting with women and now going to see them every time I paid that phone bill..every time I paid that laptop bill..when I rented that car you used me you BITCH. And now you got this cocky ass excuse of why like it was my fault I brought this sick ass action on...Kiss my Ass. I wanted him to come to my house and bring me that damn laptop I was not letting him keep that after this shit happen..especially since I still consider it a loan until he paid for it. He tried with all of his might to get out of coming to see me..NAW you will not get off easy with a phone call or text I want to see your punk ass face to face. How you going to do this shit all cocky and shit and scared to face the music you were not scared to let me do all of this shit all at the expense of me being played like a fool so you could travel five hours to be stuck in a hotel room eating pussy did you..so no this is my time and my terms you had your say and play. He came over like I requested with no laptop but with a DVD he handed me and ask me to look at after he left...WTH is some more bullshit to find out. He was so nervous I guess he thought I was going to go crazy cat fighting on his ass or some shit..I had calmed down believe it or not by the time he came over.. I just wanted to know why..he went into going back on his failed marriage that ended like a couple of years ago..every time he fucked up he went right back to that shit.. I mean Nigga grow the fuck up and move on for real you did that shit because you wanted to nothing ore or less...your Ex wife ain't make you do shit..he went into talking about how nobody came to his aide and helped him move on from that divorce and shit...truth of the matter your a man with children you move on that shit you ain't no Damn Baby..can't go walking all over people's heart because yours is broke..go hide your ass in a corner until it mends or some shit..don't come to the world all broken and shit looking for people to take pity. After me screaming at him crying all over him shoveling those nasty ass pics in his face she sent me...how did the whole thing turn around and end in his favor again..me with my stupid ass and weak ass heart felt for the shit he was telling me I mean he opened up to me on a whole new level ( I thought)..he went into some real personal stuff that I kinda of suspected but he confirmed it and he also told me he really did want to try to be my man and he promise as soon as his mother stuff was right within a month I could met her. I wanted to believe him so bad still hurt from that stuff I just took in..I agree to try and start again with him...(Man this was some crazy as hold he had on me)..Now that I knew about what had been going down for some reason I could not shake it or the fact it was something else he was not telling me... I continued to talk to Miss P...I found a very usually closeness to her..she enlighten me on many levels about this man I was dealing with and in talking to her I found out she was very much like me on a younger level I could see his attraction to her for real. In the next few months he did really try to be more of what I needed of him..we talked more and I did see a kind of change in him...I wanted to try and trust him again he also was trying to come out and do more things with me..and I noticed him throwing more of himself into his school work and less on the net and when he did come online he would start acknowledging more on there..it was going pretty smooth until...Stay Tuned..nothing would prepare anyone for what was to come..I need to breath a minute before I start this next part (I guess Yall say Damn it's more..Oh Yeah it is)..this is bringing out so many emotions in me right now BUT I must go on...Stay Tuned