A HIGH SCHOOL MEMORY...THE DAY I RECOGNIZED ME..DAY FOUR

The first thing that comes to mind when I think of my High School years is...SENIOR YEAR!!...This was the best year I ever had in school since the first grade...I blocked out a lot of my years in school..Maybe it's a Post Traumatic thing or maybe it is just a choice..Whatever it is I only think of my Senior year..I only talk about my Senior year...I only glance at picture of my Senior Year...The years before this year was HELL for me I learned a lot about myself and the strength I had within me to survive...I had been to a couple of fosters homes and even went back to try and live with my parents again for a couple of years...But the time away from them was more damaging then I thought for us all..I could not let go of the painful past and my father could not let go of fact that I ever ran away from home in the first place..We did not get along at all..We fought all the time..I hated him and he never said he was sorry for what he put me and our family though..even though he got off drugs and was trying hard to stay clean and working again..I could not let go...So the end of my ninth grade and tenth grade year I got in so much trouble it is a wonder I am not in jail or dead...My parents knew the only way to save me was to send me away again...so with that being said I was put in a Girls Alternative/Catholic School called Vista Maria and there I stayed for one and a half years...Since my first two years of school I basically failed in every subject accept History and Music...So they wanted to keep me in the tenth grade...But one of the Nun's saw something in me and she tested me..and to everyone's surprise I passed all of the test with flying colors...The test turned out to be college level lessons..I got all A's in them... Ms. Greenberg (my Angel Nun) took my scores to the head mistress and they all decide to promote me straight pass the eleventh grade straight into the 12th grade..HOT DAMN!!...Who knew...When they told me the news I was in a state of shocked because I really tried my hardest to not pass those Damn tests on purpose and it did not work..The Nun said to me God has another plan for you and it is time you start living by what he wants for your life...She said I love you..God loves you and we will never turn our back on you regardless how you try to sabotage it ..You have had a hard life in your short life...but now it is the time to turn that around...She said I scored the highest on my writing test and she had something for me..She laid on my bed a book.."The story of Emmett Till"..I looked at her like she was crazy..I passed my tests with all A's and you give me a Damn book with this horrible picture of a dead boy on it..She then said this book will change you..I want you to read it and then report back to me when your done...Once she left my room I looked at that book and threw it in my closet..This Bitch is crazy out of her mind I thought..A couple of days passed by and she did not mention the book and me either...I even forgot about that book..Until a week later it appeared on my bed again..I got really pissed and screamed in the hall way STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!!..I threw the book back in the closet and slammed the door...That night I had the weirdest dream..I dreamed I was in a bedroom and that boy walked in my room with that Nun and they were just staring at me..Now this freaked me out so bad I ran out of my room and slept with my best friend for a week..I made her go in my room to get my clothes everyday..I finally told the Nun about my dream and she told me your guilt is getting to you..Read the book...I went back to me room and there was that book lying right where I left it in the closet..I started looking at the pictures first and the images of his decomposed body made me want to know what happen to him..Once I started reading that book..I could not put it down..I wanted to know so much more..so I stayed in the library on weekends trying to find more books on him and his mother...The research amazed me so much I was obsessed with wanting to know more...Once the Nun asked me about how the book was coming..I told her I am done and I want to read more on this subject of lynchings..Civil Rights..Black History..My History..All History...She took me to the main library downtown where I almost lost my mind...The old newspapers..The old files..the books..as we drove back to the dorm...she asked me what did you get out of this..I said I want to be more then what I am..I want to graduate and go to college..I want to learn more...know more..I asked her why did she pick that book for me to read and she said I knew you would be intrigued with his story..You seem to be very interested in History and I knew his story would wake you up...That woman still was weird to me..but I felt a connection with her...no one could reach me like she could with her weird tactics...I graduated that year with honors and as I left the Girls Home and School Campus for the last time..I knew that would not be my last time seeing that place again..And it wasn't I went back 10 years later as a mentor for the girls with a troubled past..The Nun that help me out of my shell and anger had passed away..But her spirit was with me the day I walked back on that Campus..it was like she embraced me as I walked though the gates and she was saying Welcome Home my dear I see you found your destiny..My life was never the same at that point..I proceeded to kill the old me and reinvent a new and it all started the year of 1987...But my journey to finding me was not quite there yet..but this was a start