Awake you have slept too long..Pt.7 and Final Part

I sit here and just shake my head thinking about all the stuff I put myself thru with this half man half child because a fully grown man would of never went thru all of this for a couple of dollars, things here and there because that was what our so called relationship was based on for him..throwing me kibbles and bits while I was serving him full grown meals. I started to think as the days and weeks past dealing with him calling me with the quick What you doings and shit..I am starting to Hate this man and I need to end this..so I went online and started searching for this L woman and I found she had a couple of pages...I looked at her at first and from me the other women he had on his page and the ones I caught him talking to and even the one he drove five miles to eat her pussy this woman was nothing like anything that would be his type of woman..More like a friend. So I was unsure if I should approach her or not..so I waited on it but something just kept me right there at her page...After a couple of days I was coming home from work and did not feel like going home..I wanted to see him, talk to him something..and why should I not be able to..shit so I got in my car and started driving towards the East side where He and his mother lived...I don't even know how fast I got there but it was quick..when I approach the street I started to call him to come out but something told me to just keep driving...As I got closer to the house I saw his car in front of the house..I just drove past slowly down the street and parked and sat there wondering if I should let him know I am out here..so I sat there..he called me like clock work to see if I made it home..I told him I am on my way when all along I was down the street...after we hung up within a couples of minutes he comes out the house and gets in his car...as he turns the corner I start to follow him...and the house he ended up at was the same house I went to get him at the night he spent the night to go out of town to see that woman when I rented the car for him to drive five hours to sit in a hotel room going half on a pizza...eating her pussy for two days. So I was like he going over his cousin..I almost left but something told me to call him so I did and I ask him where he was I made up some stupid excuse about my tire needing air or something..he was like I am at home..BINGO..I sat there out side that house down the street and he did not leave it all night and his car was way up in the driveway..POSTED for the night...at that point I went home and sent that woman a friend's invite to my page. It took a couple of days for her to even reply back..I almost just gave up and was like girl you tripping this woman probably do not even know him...I started regretting sending it..because all of this shit was way out of my character and I cannot believe I let this man get in my head and heart like this..I talked about women that would do this stupid mess for their man..I mean I did not even go this far with my husband..what the hell was I doing because he was SO not even worth my time...Business as usually for him and for some reason he seemed like he was all happy all the time when we talked but he did feel the distance and depression in me..I guess he started feeling guilty because he started calling and texting me more sending me I love you and I miss you...My face was burning..I was cramping every time he hung up because I knew he was laying next to another woman and was playing me for a fool, I just wanted it to end..he started looking and feeling like the Devil to me...no one with a heart could do those things to anyone and keep smiling and acting like everything was ok..I guess he was being all ass hole happy because he thought he was getting over on people..I guess he thought he was the fucking man..I guess he thought his shit did not stink..I guess he thought that (let me stop..because I can be mean)..But the reality was he was not any of that...A couple of days past and I checked my email and it said I had a message a message from L!!!..I was like WTF..I be DAMN..my heart started to race and I really did not know why..I just stared at the message I could not move, did I want to move.. Girl this was what you were waiting for..Open that SHIT..I was at work so I really did not want to do that there but I could not wait what if I did not reply back and she would never contact me again and I would never know... So I opened it..and it said Do I know you or do you know me?...Thats a friendly way to approach someone that sends you a friend's request...LOL Anyway I send a message back saying No we don't know each other but I think we know the same person...and then I gave his full Birth name..LOL...she did not reply right away..it took the next day for her to..but this time she open her page for me..she replied saying Yes I do know him and how do you know him..BINGO...I went on her page and looked around and looked at her photos..this woman was nothing like I thought she would of been..I mean she had picture of her smoking, drinking and partying..I was like this is not him..How can he be with someone like this..he did not smoke..not much of a drinker and he did not go to clubs..she was nothing like me..he was laid back(I thought)...like me..we enjoyed going to the movies..dinner..pool..concerts..things like that and I did not drink or smoke.We both were writers and loved the Internet..LOL She looked like a older woman until I saw her age on the page (in her late 20's)..and I was like that cannot be true she must of lived a hard ass life she was WAY younger then me and looked older...that is what all that smoking and shit will do..but still I could not see him being with someone like this accept to be a friend..she looked more like a sister then lover ...Anyway I saw one picture that caught my eye in her house there was this picture the same exact Art Work that was in one of his main profile pics he mostly used on sites..the same Damn picture..some of the rooms like that green kitchen he took a picture in that kitchen and she had one where she was standing in it..and the house was a mess.. I was WTF...how could you be with a nasty ass person...I mean clean your damn house before you take the picture..LOL I replied back to her saying He is my boyfriend..she replied saying how is he your boyfriend and how long Yall been together? I was like for two years...and then I said from the sound and tone of your replies your more then a friend and I think we need to talk off this computer and on the phone..I gave her my number and told her to call me..she replied back I sure will give me a minute..So at that point I took my break because I was at work and this was going to be a situation I could feel it..I went to my car and waited for her to call me..Within five minutes I swear she called...Hello..Hi...now it begins she started with saying Me and Him have been together for five years..I was like WHAT!!!..she said yes we have been living together and he has been home with me every night in my house..I was like he told me he lived with his mother...she was like he do not live with his mother he lives with me in my house and I (Hold on YALL) I am three months pregnant..I at that point blacked the fuck out..I was like you are LYING!!!!...she was like NO I am not..I am three months pregnant with his Baby...I sat there in a surreal it was like I had a out of body experience at that point no lie..I was floating the fuck out of that car...I got so dizzy I could not get my window down...I stop breathing for a minute...She was like I don't feel so good..tell me about you and him..I told her me and him have been seeing each other for the last two years and since you and him live together you have to know about all the other women and how could he lived with you all of this time because he would spend nights with me and spend most weekend's all day with me and we would be on the phone all damn day, going places...I mean WTF did you not care, were you doing your own thing..did you trust this Nigga that much..I mean come on I did not live with his ass and I felt he was full of shit...I could not beleive what the Hell I was hearing..This Ass HOLE..Motherfucker have been living a double life for two years and it was probably longer then that before me...She told me about how she bought that car he drives..how she been paying his bill and just flat out taking care of this Nigga and I guess my shit was the side Misc bullshit she could not cover...He was truly living it up with no job and much pussy with two women one on each side of town IN LOVE with a BUM...and too much time on his hand and he was still a cocky ass HOE even when he knew he was wrong..no remorse..just like Yeah I did it and I am sorry now get over it kind of shit..because I am...like he was the Damn victim..BITCH!! I told her he was suppose to see me this weekend and she was like what day..I said Sat. now she wanted to wait to bust on on that day at my house..but I wanted it over with NOW..she was down for that I told her I was leaving work because I could not stay focus after some shit like this..I mean two years of my life just turned out to be a Damn joke in a matter of minutes...She said I am leaving work too because I can't focus after this..she told me to come over to her house and we can meet him when he got out of school right there in the Damn house..She gave me the address and I was on my way. I could not beleive I was going over to this man true house and true life...I could not beleive I let myself get caught up in this BULLSHIT..A woman my age letting some BUM take full advantage of me and loving him...As I got closer to the street it was the same street I waited outside the house that night and the same house I picked him up from..I parked down the street and called her to let her know I was out there..She was standing on the front step waiting...As I approached the house I gave her a HUG because we both were breaking down inside and it showed on our faces...she stared at me for the longest..and told me to come in and the moment I hit the door there was two puppies jumping everywhere..the house was a mess..and it smelled and another Dog barking in the basement (His because I remember when he got it)..it was a small place and it looked like someone stayed on her front couch..she asked me to excuse the place her sister lived with them and she kept the front room a mess and she did not plan for company..But I am looking like I don't even want to sit down..LOL But I did because I did not care about nothing but getting to the bottom of this..She could not stop moving..changing her clothes..cleaning up..moving shit..I finally told her to sit down..I started showing her pictures of him and different texts I kept in my phone that were special to me that he had sent to me..to show her I am not lying about the type of thing we had..She asked me how did we meet and I told her and I ask her if you were with him for five years that mean he was still married and she said yes but they were separated and he just had a baby with his wife also when they separated..MAN this Motherfucker did not waste no time filling voids for real..she also told me her and him had been having some problems and she had to put him out twice..Wow and I am guessing this is where I came in to fill that void until them two worked their shit out..Which say a lot about him..he is a PUNK that have to have someone to feel like he is someone..SAD...I told her you had to suspect something about him while your living with him because he would spend the night with me..she said she had stopping looking thru his stuff a while ago but she did see on his bank statements charges to rooms and when he went out of town how he lied about going to NJ and going to Ohio..(the five hour trip)..and she use to have a problem with him texting all the time she even saw a text from me saying Good Morning Baby..and I said what did you do..she said he told her they are just friends and you don't trust me Baby kinda of shit..Man I thought I was hooked..my shit was not deep like her he had this woman WHIPPED for real...she believe everything that came out of this man mouth and she knew he was full of shit and she just sat there. She even told me about how some times he would not answer his phone for 8 hours straight..OH Hell naw I would check him if it took a hour to call me back..I told her he was with me..because he would come over and spend all day until the night with me. She showed me the room they shared and I saw all of the clothes I bought him and everything..she ask me if I was the one that got the radio for his car..YEP..she also said she use to ask him how was his phone bill being paid..this nigga was always excusing with my Sister or Mama..if they only knew how much he used their ass to play his game too. I told her about the Key Chain and she told my how he came home talking about it broke off.. I said Girl I told him to take it off and he must of broke it..and she was more pissed at that then what was really at hand..she started talking about how much she paid for it..She asked me if he went down on me..Umm yes he did and very well and for a long time too..Everything he did to you..Yes Honey was done to me...the only thing is I did not get knocked up ( I started feeling sorry for her..she was a very nice.. sweet woman and no one deserved this no one even HER)...and we did not catch no disease and if I were you I would get test..I AM because like I said I only know of one other woman he was with sexually beside me and you but there could of been more and if you really think back you would agree..She told me about how he ask her to get married..What a fucking joke..no job..a fucking lier and you ready to commit living a double life..I said Girl you need to really think about if this is the type of man you want in your life..because anybody that can do what he did for as long as he did it and smooth as he did it is not changing over night just because he got caught..he has to change for himself and that takes time..because he still aint finished with his WIFE..he still caught up in emotions for her and still blames her for his recent fuck ups..and he ready to get married again that is his main reason for fucking up is my divorce..my divorce..I was depressed over my Divorce..GROW THE FUCK UP MAN..What a fucking Joke.. his change has to come within not for the moment because he scared his meal ticket is about to be taken away...You know he was still sleeping with his wife while he was with you also..and was thinking about working it out with her..he went thru that shit with me...I know your having his Baby now..but he would see my ass in a court room with the other Baby's Mama..She was like I don't want him but I do want to watch him as he take his stuff out my house...I looked at her because she was forgiving him already..Sad and Weak...because if it was me his shit would be on the street already burning in my grass when he drove up with a big ass padlock on the door and the police waiting unless he try to be a BITCH about it..She just do not know how bad I wanted to gather up all the shit I got him right then and there and do it..but out of respect for her house and her I chilled. She told me about how they met and how he was not really her type either at first and she accepted him for all the wrong and things he lacked..she loved him thru it and she talked about how she just met his Mother herself..I be DAMN you been with him for 5 fucking years and you just not meeting her now...I guess you with child now..your in..LOL What a fucking joke...he got three kids by three different women already...what makes you think your in..THAT child is in NOT you Boo Boo. She ask me if I had met any of his kids and I was like NO and he never met mine either..I was not welcoming him into my world like that until he opened up more of his to me..I do beleive a man make the first move with that not a woman and before he moved in my DAMN house me and his mother would of met not after the fact like you.We both thought about what will happen when he drove up..He kept texting her because for some reason this stupid ass woman let on to him that something was up but confronting him already before I got there so he already knew something was about to go down..just did not know what...He kept texting her from class and shit...and did not even try to contact me...He KNEW. So we finally decide to go up to the school and wait for his ass in the parking lot of the school because he may not even come to the house...I followed her up there and we parked and waited..as the time came for him to get out he calls her and she gets her ass out the car and go walking to the school towards him..Whatever he said to her...she comes back with this I am about to leave and you should too..FUCK THAT Both of Yall got me fucked up..This NIGGA owe me something..he going to say something to me...this was not about just you and him ain't this a BITCH...I was getting more heated and was ready to run her ass and his car over..I was like get away from my car...then he texted me with I love her even if I do not end up with her..some punk ass shit like that because he knew she was standing her ass right there watching..then he calls me saying he is not coming out of the school until I leave and he has Security coming to escort his PUNK Ass to the CAR....But he also said in the same breath he was not scared of me..ROFLMAO..then come out NIGGA..The worst thing in the world is a Half of a Man that cannot stand on his own two feet and have to hide behind a woman..She going to look at me and say Thank you and him and her need to talk about somethings...I looked at her like you stupid BITCH your the reason this monster is out her doing this shit to innocent women now..GET SOME NUTS HOE..he fucked you with no vaseline as well. Tears started pouring down my eyes...not because I was sad but because I was MAD and if he did come out that school at that point I would be in jail right now..so God saved his life...I was good until that shit happen at that school...he treated me like a sideline HOE and like I knew he was living a double life all a long and it was all about HER at this moment. I pulled off like a mad woman...and I had to pull over because I could not see with all the tears in my eyes..as I sat there crying and screaming..he calls me...I started screaming I do not know all of what I said to him but I do remember him saying this is the reason he was trying to break up with me and wanted to be by himself..BULLSHIT man you did this shit for two years and to no telling how many women..he was like I really got to do something but me and you will talk and I will explain anything you want to know..I told him I want my Damn Laptop back NOW...I don't even remember hanging up with him....I was so out of it all night..he calls me late and was like I am not avoiding you but I had to take her to the hospital...I did not care..I hated him so much I wanted him to lose the Baby..I know that was mean but HELL..how did everything turn around to all about her..Where the Fuck was all about her for the last two years of you doing this shit to HER..HUH..I told him you need to make some time for me and I want all of my shit back..He was like Please give me a couple of day and I will give you whatever you want..I said a couple of days..because Hell acting a fool was not getting my shit to me quicker..so I tried to chill for the next couple of days..I did not sleep or eat for the next couple of days..I went to work and did not work..I was like a Zombie walking around..everybody asking me whats wrong.I was making my self sick and did not care...I had an anxiety attack and my cousin rushed me to the hositpal where my doctor put me on meds..I was out of it and was doing it alone...She texted me the next day after her hospital visit asking me how I was doing..How funny..I told her not good..she asked me if I missed him..SHIT what do you think..don't start asking me stupid ass questions (Like my feelings can turn off and on like his do)..so I asked her if he was with her and she said Yeah he here..I said you two are going to work it out and she said we are going to try..I started throwing up at that point..WTF..not even a day she did not kick his ass out even for a day..I felt like I wasted my Damn time even approaching her..I should of just did my thing on my own and left her ass still in the dark where she is still standing..WTF...I told her I just want my stuff back and at that point she tried to get cocky with me saying you and him will not be talking or seeing each other unless I am around..I was like BITCH you did not even know he was fucking me for two years..don't try to act like you his woman now...Just because you know he over there kissing your ass to stay in your good grace...Don't fucking go there with me..I will make you and his life one hell hole for real...Give me my shit...Don't nobody want that limp dick motherfucker that can't spill truth if it was poured on him. Now you want to be big and bad...then I guess she made him contact me about the laptop and like a little puppy should he obey his Master and called me...LOL He was like I want to pay you for the laptop..HELL NAW give me my shit..take HER money and go get you one..which you should of done in the first place. Telling me he never expected to fall for me the way he did and that him and her were having problems and before he knew it he got caught up with his own lies and started to beleive his own shit..he said he got selfish and greedy trying to make one woman from two bodies..Whatever she lacked I picked up on and vice verse kind of shit..SICK...and then he went back to that Damn Divorce again..I many how PUNKASSNESS can you get to keep bring that relationship up when you fuck up.He should of walked away from both of us...picking up from something like this is hard for everyone invovled and everyone know by now and he really should more then anyone (with this being his FOURTH baby Mama)kids do not make a relationship...that is no reason to stay with anyone..but all I wanted was my laptop..He kept spinning me for weeks on that shit..we went back and forth..he did not want to let it go...I mean anyone else would of just gave it to me..he never even should of had that damn thing t begin with..then he going to get smart and say it was not your laptop all this time why now..Well Motherfucker..I thought you were my MAN all this time and guess what you were NOT so the laptop was never yours either...How about that.,...I dont want all that other shit..because I could be a real Bitch and get those damn bikes back I got your kids ( I had talk to a Lawyer at this point)..But all I wanted was my laptop because I still intended him to pay me back for that anyway. It took that Nigga a whole month to spin his wheel and finally meet me to give me that Damn laptop and he going to get out my car with I will keep in touch..Yeah fucking right..I never heard from him again until a couple of months later he reappeared on the internet again..Yes you got it...I guess he is a changed man now..NOT..LMAO..Now he is on there acting like he is the man telling people about how he was a cheater like the shit happen years ago and you have changed your evil ways in months time...giving advice and just being a Hoe Ass nigga all over again..See people like HIM will never be remorseful and they will never change their ways..Out of respect for me and his WOMAN he should never be on another damn computer again...I mean if you do come back at least wait until all parties have healed before you show your Head again..I mean DAMN how BITCHASSNESS can you get...But that phase of my life is done..He can't give me the two years I lost HELL he won't even give me a hour to explain and really give me the honesty he gave to her..that will forever be lost and my forgiveness for him will also..because just like he choose how we began this nightmare he also choose how we will end it..HIS way.I am in a healing process now and I am learning and dealing with my mistakes...there are others in my path now that will soon be removed from my aching heart because as with this situation it has taught me to really look and see things for what it is and who really cares about me..not with words but actions and deal with it right then and there and never wait on your feelings about something..I think my main down fall was time..I let too much time go by when I could of ended this nightmare a long time ago...Right from the first sign..I was alsleep...A Deep Ass Coma...I think this situation has affected me more then anything in my life because it was another failure..another abuse to add to my belt...I was fooled..I thought I was loved finally in my sad ass life I grew up in to find I really was not..in the end my truth was and is..I was Born alone and I will surly DIE alone...and this Harsh truth he taught me with the abuse he gave to me (Yes this whole experience is a form of abuse)..Though all the rapings..beatings..this emotional play on your mind type of shit left my soul on life support for a minute and I do not think I will ever learn to breath on my own again after this..it has made me more harsh..numb a lot of changes for me on how I meet people and where and how long I will talk to them before I feel they are getting to close to me and then i will back away..I can't fall like this again..I just can't and I won't..I don't want anyone close to me right now but God.. my Mama and my kids..I have no one else but people that can give a ear from time to time..I have to learn and accept this is what my life will be about and just deal..I know it is not right and it may even be sad but its my reality and I do want to Thank him Yes HIM for Awaking me to this Truth that No one will ever truly love you the way you need to be love Tracey but YOU.He showed me abuse comes in many forms and he just showed and gave me one more to my life story. With Beauty there comes a price..WHY I really don't know..maybe I should drink like a sloppy ass drunk..maybe I should smoke until my lungs turn black..maybe I should get high as hell until I look 80 at 40..Be a BITCH instead of Sweet..maybe I could get some respect and be able to have a little puppy dog man myself HUH..maybe..BUT guess what I won't because I am not that and that will never be me so until then I will be right by my Damn self where I should always be..I wrote this story to share my experiences to help others that maybe going thru or may run into something like this..I hope this has enlighten some for those that it has not..Oh Well can't please Everyone but this really was for and about ME, for those that have followed the story..Thank you even if you do not agree this was not a judgement story it is a healing process there will be more to come in my journeys this was just one of them..but my life I am fighting for right now and I am trying to hold on..BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY..Every lesson must be learned...Tear no More...