This is a very interesting topic...What makes it so interesting is I don't have anything to say...no real memory comes to mind because I been on my own since I was 17 years old...At what point do you say this is my real adult job...because I have had so many jobs...they all were adult jobs to me..I had to survive..LOL Now if we talk about dream jobs...I can pinpoint that one..LOL..So yeah Kiwi this one is for you...**
I have been told I made a difference in someone's life more than a couple of times...and I continue to do more with each breath I take..but the one day that stood out for me was the day I decided to make a difference or try to at least...The day I went back to where the journey started for me..Vista Maria School and Girls Home...When I graduated from High school I never thought I would step back on that campus again...I was in community college in the middle of my second year when I ran into one of my old Social Worker...She was an ad visor at my school...We talked and caught up..she mention how proud she was of me for continuing my education ..She told me about a mentor program at Vista Maria and how she was still involved in it...They were having a scholarship banquet and she asked me how did I feel about being one of the guest speakers..She thought I could be the positive the girls needed...the HOPE she called it...LOL Funny I never thought of myself as hope for anyone..I needed it myself...But I agreed to do it...Did not know what I was going to say but I knew I would think of something...LOL I thought about writing the same old speech type thing...but at the last hour I decided to just be me...I started with my background and left very little details of the pain...by the time I finished there wasn't a dry eye in the room including mines...these girls needed to hear something from someone that was just like them and that was me...After I was done most of the girls rushed me with questions...me being on my own and still struggling intrigued them...We got so caught up in talking they did not want me to leave...They treated me like a star...I enjoyed that feeling so much I knew that I would from that day forward try to make a difference in some girls life always...I left that campus with such an overwhelming feeling...it turns out the difference I was to make in them turned out to be the difference they made in me...
They say when the moon fades away and the sun rise...this is when you will experience sunshine..Well not for me..I have my own sunshine and he is with my all the time...Just to think he almost did not make it...My second born child..my angel..my precious boy....The moment I started carrying him I knew he would be a special child and it was confirmed once he was born...Once he was born...let's talk about that for a minute...I was about five and a half months pregnant and I just got back from my honeymoon and there was this first class envelope in my mailbox...When I opened it was from my doctor's office..I instantly became terrified and started cramping..I opened it fast and it said the doctor needed to see me in his office ASAP....I immediately called to make an appointment the next day...We got to the doctor's office and he told me that my blood test came back with some abnormal cells..something about more white than red or extra chromosome or something like that...I was like at this point get to it Damn-it ..My Husband ask what does this mean?...The doctor said your baby looks like he may have Down Syndrome ..I was like WHAT...and this idiot immediately says if that is the case we can't have it...I looked at him like who's body is this...I don't think we are having anything..it's me..my body..He was like if we have a baby with problems it will cost a lot of money to take care of it..I told him and the doctor at the same time so I wouldn't have to repeat myself..I am having this baby..with or without you ..and then I looked at the doctor and said you just need to tell me what I need to do...The doctor said it has not even been confirmed this is what it is..we have to do more test...I needed an amniocentesis, which involves inserting a needle into a pregnant woman's belly to sample cells from the fluid bathing her fetus...Let's get started..I didn't even think about the pain of a needle in my stomach..I was too worried about my child...They had to do an ultrasound first to see where the fetus was and in seeing that not only did we find out it was a boy...we also fond out my placenta had separated from him and was on the side of my tummy...the did the test..and a week later the results came in and it came back good..no signs of down syndrome..GOOD..BUT!!..the placenta was an issue..he wanted to keep watching it during the rest of my pregnancy .he said sometimes it moves back in place...a couple of months later and three more ultra sounds the placenta did not move back in place it moved further over my uterus and once it was totally over my uterus he placed me on bed rest...Now mind you I had a three year old at home with me also...There is NO WAY I could stay off my feet...and I didn't and I started bleeding every where..Good thing their father was home when major clots were coming out of me...He called the ambulance and they got me to the hospital just in time...It seem little man man was ready to come out...and he was breached (Feet first)...But he was not fully developed...the doctor said we have to try and keep him in you as long as possible..I had to stay in the hospital for 4 weeks..each week they did an amniocentesis to check his lung...They made me stay in that hospital until I was exactly nine months and because of the placenta and him coming out feet first I had to get a c-section...The day came when my baby boy was about to be born..I was excited but scared...this pregnancy was something different then my first child..it felt different...everything..I was scared but also happy...It wasn't until he was about to start pre-school that I found out how special he really is
Besides my high school graduation this was not only the most exciting day but the most important day of my life...This is where the old me flew out my body as the new me flew in...From this point on I would never be the same again...My child hood woes were behind me (not forgotten just placed a side) and it was time to move forward...I just received my College Degree and at this point...I felt like I could take on the world...It was a long journey but I did it...Even though it took me years to finish the point is I did...My children was my biggest inspiration to getting it done..Something about being a mother made me want to be more..do more..I needed to set a better example for them then what was set for me...I needed to make their lives much better than mine and the only way to do that was starting with getting my degree...My children was with me as I walked across the auditorium stage and they watched their mother get her College Degree..That was the most exciting but fulfilling moment in my life..I knew from that point on nothing was going to ever hold me back again...
In a nut shell...I can deal with just about anything that lifes throws at me but a day I am not looking forward too is the day I will lose my parents (and my children of course)...the older they get I beleive me and my sisters get more and more paranoid because their health especially my father is not the best at times...This is a picture of them at their 40th wedding anniversary party that me and my sisters gave them...They have been though a lot to keep their marriage and family together and I did not truly understand it until I became a wife and mother myself...it is very hard to stay in a relationship now a days for 2 years but 40!! (actually 43 years this picture is 3 years old)...and to raise six girls (and we all graduated from high school and five of us have our college degrees..never been in jail or on drugs) they raised us with a strong hand even when we did not understand it and hated them for it...they stuck together and stuck to their guns when it came to raising us...PRAISE GOD...A lot of people saw the worst in my parents when they were at their worst..but they showed them all and have been married longer then the ones that said they would not make it..I love my parents dearly and I am not looking forward to the day when I may lose them from this earth...
No matter what my world was like all year around..I did love the holidays...This was the time when everyone put their differences a side and tried to act like a decent family and enjoy each others company...It maybe hard to beleive from my previous posts but I LOVED my Christmas days during my childhood...We were poor...but my parents always found a way to make me and my sisters Christmas a wonderful day..We did not get as much as my cousins did..but it did not matter because on this day we got more than we had the whole year round...I remember this one Christmas day..I had to be about nine years old and I LOVED Wonder Woman...now mind you my mother was a bit prejudice..LOL...Well maybe a lot (I guess that is where I get my Angela Davis moments from) she never...I mean NEVER bought me and my sisters any white dolls..she had always told us we are not white and a white doll will never come in this house..not bought by me...So my dreams of playing with Wonder Woman and Cher (from Sonny and Cher) was about to be killed..because I am a kid I don't care about color at that age...I just wanted to have fun..The past two years I always put Wonder Woman on my list and for two years I got everything BUT Wonder Woman...This year I did not put her on the list..I put a Easy bake Oven and some other stuff (Can't remember)...My Daddy asked me why I did not put Wonder Woman down and I said because she is White and Mama won't let me have a white doll in this house...He started laughing and said put her down anyway..Santa Clause don't have a color he loves everyone no matter what color they are (My father always seem to act like a real Daddy at this time of year...almost like he was reliving his childhood though us)...So I wrote her down knowing damn well I was not going to get it AGAIN...The morning of Christmas like clock work at 6:00 a.m. me and my sisters ran downstairs..no brushing teeth..no washing faces...Who has time for those details...We ran downstairs..and we had so many gifts under the tree it looked like Toys R Us...Mind you my parents had six kids...LOL We all got five toys a piece..our usually new clothes and stockings full of candy and those big ass WALNUTS that nobody ever ate...I went to ripping and stepping on everything..I don't know what I was looking for but I kept looking...my sisters were busy eating candy out of their stockings....BUT I was on a mission...and then hiding under my bike which I did not notice at first..there it was a tall box wrapped really nice I might add...LOL..It had my name on it and it said To: Tracey From: Santa Ho Ho Ho...I was grinning like a Kool Aid Pitcher Commerical..I ripped it open and guess who it was....YEP!!!...
You guessed it...WONDER WOMAN **singing her theme music** And it had her weapon belt..her golden crown and gold wrist bands for me to wear to match my doll as well...My Daddy came down stairs and was like "What a mess"...after he inspected everyone stuff he looked at me and said I guess Santa Clause broke down the color barrier in this house this year just for you...I was in another world...I wore that Wonder Woman outfit all day long and tried to sleep in it to....It took my years to realize my daddy got me that doll and convinced my mother to let me keep it...Even though we had some bad moments...it is memory's like this that makes me love that man even more...When my daddy was at his best he was the greatest
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE...LOL
ENJOY THIS SHORT CLIP FROM MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD SHOW..
There are many days I would love to do over...but I know I can only post one in this blog or we will be here for a couple of days..LOL Anyway the day that stands out the most for me would be my wedding day...If I knew what I know now...that event would of never happen...I should of hit the stage door left when the music started playing...I remember my father as we prepare to walk down the aisle saying to me.."Are you sure...are you ready...look at his family"...I look on his side of the church and only about six of his family members showed up...The rest of the church was my family...Lets go back a bit..we had dated for a year and a half before we moved in together and had a beautiful little girl...We were so young and so not ready for any of that...The pressure from our families especially after we had our daughter ..but we are exactly the meaning of you should never get married because of a child...Anyway his proposal was weak as hell and I should of known then also...HIM: We might as well get married..you want to get married..ME: Yeah..of course...No ring...no down on one knee...no surprise.. no rose petals.. no surprise annoucement in front of family and friends...we were sitting on the couch one night watching T.V...Now fast forward to the wedding day..it was on the hottest day of the summer...I was five months pregnant..my three year old would not stop crying and his best man did not show up so my uncle had to act as his best man and groomsmen....All SIGNS...The only one that truly wanted that wedding was my mother...this was her dream...all I did was wear the dress..she planned the whole thing even to the colors of the wedding...And then she threaten me saying I better stay married for at least five years...so she can get her money's worth..LOL...I am not going to go into details of my marriage just know that my lesson in all of this is..don't be so caught up in a moment that you rush into something that should never be..Don't settle...Be patience and wait for the prize...I deserve to have someone that will treat me like the gem I am...it all started with that whack ass proposal (The next time he will be that story tale or he will stay in the book)...But I did get two beautiful children out of the deal...So that is my day...The End
